“Smoke, Drink, Never Think” ~ Billie Holiday Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. He who laughs last thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. Shin: A device for finding furniture A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just go away and leave me the hell alone. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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